One Drawback
by Sissor.Hands
Summary: Reposted for WMTDB. Loving him had only one major drawback...


**NOTE: This is not beta edited. So any mistakes are purely my own. **

_"The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have." –Anonymous_

You sit in the A/V lab, looking over surveillance from a case you've been working with Sara. I watch you from where I work in the DNA lab, where I had been assigned for the shift to help work through the backlog that has been plaguing the DNA lab and Grissom decided that 2 techs were needed to work through it and chose me.

I watch you look at the screen, scowling at it as you looked down at the keyboard and type something as you look back up at the screen and make a face that tells me you didn't have any success. You don't notice me watching you, so I take the rare moment to watch you without you noticing me and think about you.

I've had a crush on you since the first time I met you. I met you when you were giving evidence to me the first day I started. You smiled, seeing how nervous I was, and introduced yourself as Nick and shook my hand while you asked me my name. I told you and then you smiled before handing me your evidence and told me to page you when the results got in.

Since then, I've been infatuated with you. I've gotten to know you better since then as a really good friend. You'd hang out with me and Warrick in the break room, just talking and joking around, hanging out. I've gotten to know you better and I found out the hard way that you were straight.

We were in the break room one evening, an hour before shift was supposed to end. You and Warrick had begun the topic of how you were going to spend the weekend and you let it slip that you had a surprise evening planned with a girl that you met at a club a few months ago and how you really love her.

Right there and then, I could feel my heart fall to the floor and shatter into a thousand pieces.

You must have noticed my pained expression, because you asked what was wrong. I told you that I didn't feel well and that I was going to go home early. Before you or Warrick could say anything else to me, I stood up and left the room, heading into the locker room. I didn't break down and cry until I was in my car in the parking lot, realizing that I could never have you because you were straight.

I snap back to reality when I feel a tap on my shoulder and the lab tech talking to me, asking me if everything is alright. I say that I'm fine and she looks at me for a moment, not believing me before she turns back to what she was doing before. I take in a breath and look back at the A/V lab to find Nick with a calm expression on his face. Apparently, he had found what he was looking for. I smile slightly at the sight of my lost love happy, even if it was for a brief moment.

That's when you decided to look towards me. I froze as your gaze caught mine and I smiled thinly before I looked down and began to get back to work. When I looked up a few minutes later, you was gone.

I began to think about you and then realize that I'll never have a chance with you. After all, you would simply flip out if I told you I had a crush on you since the moment I saw you, since the moment you spoke to me and said my name. I don't know if you'd even handle the fact that I'm gay. Probably not, since you're from Texas, where men are straight and life was as traditional as it could be. You grow up a good kid, date women, marry a nice girl your parents approve of and that you love to death, have kids and grow old together. No 'queers' down in Texas.

That fact made a tear escape my eye and out of the corner of my eye, I see the lab tech look at me. I smile at her as I wipe it away quickly and assure her that I'm fine, it's nothing. She doesn't believe me and insist that I take a break. Without protest, I stand and head to the break room, where I catch you leaving with a fresh cup of coffee.

Without saying a word to you, I give you the famous Sanders smile and say hello before I duck into the empty break room and watch you leave. I sigh sadly to myself as you disappear from sight. I turn away and pour myself a fresh pot of coffee, trying to get the thought of you out of my mind.

'It'll pass soon.' I think to myself. 'After all, I'll lose you eventually.' I sigh sadly again and fell another tear go down my cheek as I take a long sip of coffee, thinking about you.


End file.
